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The Bruce Wayne of Ukraine

Throughout history, a distinct pattern has established itself over several millennia: as treacherous circumstances plague a nation, certain heroes rise as the savior of the innocent. Each hero distinguishes themselves with their own unique characteristics – yet, in recent times, conspiracy theorists have noticed an odd set of similarities between two ‘separate’ heroes. 

President Zelensky | Photo Courtesy of PBS

Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky has recently received international applause for his handling of the country’s war against Russia. Despite Russia’s intimidating attacks, Zelensky continues to maintain a determined mindset that aspires toward the betterment of his citizens. 

“Zelensky’s tenacity is absolutely unmatched,” Zelensky Fan club President Bo Jiden said. “He shows a type of perseverance that only comes from experiencing hardship. You know what type of hardship I’m talking about, right? I’m talking about some heavy-duty traumatic stuff – like seeing a mugger shoot your parents in an alley.” 

Other admirers of Zelensky agree with Jiden’s perspective, stating that his sense of dedication must come from experiencing adversity in the past. Likewise, they also express strong sentiments against Zelensky’s current opponent – Russian President Vladimir “Vladdy Daddy” Putin.

“Imagine attacking innocent people for your own gain! It’s unspeakably horrific. Putin must be an absolute joker for thinking he can get away with this. That’s exactly what he is – some sick sort of joker,” Alfred Da’Butler, close associate of Zelensky, said. 

After observing comments from Jiden and Da’Butler, however, outspoken figures have developed peculiar theories surrounding Zelensky. 

“Putin is a ‘Joker,’ huh? And Zelensky has the tenacity of a severely traumatized orphan? Oh, and one more thing – nobody has ever seen Zelensky and Batman in the same room?” respectable philosopher Alex Jones tweeted. 

Jones’ tweet sparked a massive uproar among superhero fans and Zelensky’s supporters alike. Both parties were caught off-guard by the plausibility of Jones’ theory. 

“This provokes another crucial question: If Zelensky is really Batman, why is Batman fulfilling the role of a Ukrainian president?” superhero specialist Stayn Le said. 

The theorists have developed multiple responses to such concerns, claiming that Batman has been closely monitoring Russia’s behavior since the end of the Cold War. As his high-tech intelligence team became suspicious of Putin’s expansionist intentions, he developed a long-term plan to secure the safety of ex-Soviet nations. In turn, he effectively and masterfully crafted the persona of Zelensky. 

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell | Photo Courtesy of Newsweek

“The theories actually explain a lot about Zelensky. I thought it was odd that Zelensky was an ex-actor who suddenly and successfully became president. Now that we know it was Batman’s plan all along, some of the strings are getting tied together. Everyone knows an actual TV star isn’t fit for president!” Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell said. 

Zelensky’s administration is yet to comment on the developments surrounding his identity, as the president is said to have more pressing matters at hand. Regardless, whether fighting in Gotham City or Ukraine, heroism truly shows in a leader who tirelessly defends his people against the darkest of calamities. 

Written by Prisha Puntambekar

Senior Prisha Puntambekar is Editor-in-Chief of the MCSun and has been part of journalism since her freshman year. Outside of journalism, she is busy blasting Tyler, the Creator or Taylor Swift on her record player.

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