Nancy’s Bad Hair Day

During a terrifying pandemic – in which millions of citizens are afraid of death – Nancy Pelosi is not afraid to dye. The Speaker for the House of Representatives visited a local hair salon, mask under her chin, to receive a hairdo despite strict COVID-19 mandates. 

While the media believes that Pelosi’s salon visit exemplifies privilege, brave TikTok teens have stepped up to defend her. The TikTok creators claim responsibility for the recent craze of hair-dying throughout quarantine, and are flattered by Pelosi’s attempts to join the trend. 

“It’s the ability to lead and pop off simultaneously for me,” Marley D’Chelio, a popular creator, stated. D’Chelio proceeded to show her support for Pelosi through a six-second dance to the Star-Spangled Banner. 

The support received from Gen-Z influencers has visibly affected Pelosi. During an interview with The Onion, Pelosi stated, “If any imbeciles have a problem with my new ‘do, they can – what do the kids say? Get that bread, get that, get that thing, and leave!” Pelosi paused, quickly adjusting her Karen-like bob cut. “In case they don’t leave, I’ll be happy to take it up with their managers.” 

Besides stirring up the proudly liberal young crowd, Pelosi’s new haircut has made impacts federally. An unknown, reportedly spray-tanned enemy of Pelosi made anonymous statements regarding the news around her hair. 

“What is it with the Democrats these days? They can’t even get their hair done right –  imagine, in a couple years, they’ll probably want those hair appointments for free too!” the anonymous source said. “Well, Pelosi might as well be wearing a weave. Nobody, and I mean nobody, can do hair the way I do hair – I mean, I do some pretty great hair. Fake news networks say, ‘Look at him, he has a corn husk on his head,’ but I actually have very nice hair. I really do.”

Along with government leaders, the widespread hype around Pelosi’s hair concerns some stylists as well. 

“There is clearly a huge problem in this situation,” celebrity stylist Eric Curler stated in an interview with DEF, counterpart of ABC. “Nancy Pelosi is unbelievably inconsiderate. As a role model for young people across the nation, she thinks it’s acceptable to lead with those split ends? Hair should look good, not like celebrity relationships.”

Since Pelosi’s appointment, tensions between federal figures, TikTok stars, and hair stylists have risen to levels never witnessed before. While right-wing TikTok launches attacks against ‘do-nothing Democrats,’ hairstylists are utilizing the platform to criticize hairstyles of Pelosi and other government officials. 

Although the online chaos appears intimidating, it reveals an important lesson for individuals nationwide. Whenever America struggles in unprecedented  times, its citizens find solace in the media’s attention to the most pressing issues — that is, pressing hair between the metal rods of a curling iron.