Download http://bigtheme.net/joomla Free Templates Joomla! 3
Home / The Sunburn / Do Fly Spies Control America?

Do Fly Spies Control America?

The fact that all of the birds died in 1986 due to President Reagan killing them and replacing them with spies that are now watching us has become widespread. The government and bourgeoisie have been exposed, and thus, needed a new alternative to discreetly execute their spying plans. 

Birds working for the bourgeoisie awareness poster|Photo courtesy Behance

New and developing technology has allowed for smaller cameras leading to a more dubious appearance. These new cameras have led to the development of what the Pentagon likes to call, the “fly spies.”

“After everyone found out about the birds, we tried to play it off as just another conspiracy theory. But, the American people are too persistent! So, we decided to start a new project, one that no one expected,” the current head of the Pentagon, Mark Alreadytracer Milley said. “Flies are everywhere, no one ever thinks twice about them, that is all I can say.”

Late President Ronald Reagan discussing the future of Bird surveillance systems| Photo courtesy of The Nation

What Milley was implying was that flies are being made to replace birds as surveillance devices. However, unlike the birds, flies aren’t exclusively a spying device, they have been upgraded to also covertly control government clones. Clones like Vice President Mike n’ ike Pence. 

It comes with no surprise that Pence is robotically controlled as his antics are arguably off, almost inhuman.  Trumpet has an attention deficit and therefore needs all the spotlight. The only way to prevent his attention tantrums was to have an undistinguished right-hand man. 

Pence’s silver hair is gleamingly bright so that it could attract the attention of fly spies. The Trumpet administration uses the flies to control Pence’s actions. 

Real Mike Pence in San Francisco living the vibey life|Photo courtesy of Ro’aa Alkhawaja

“Pence, or 19.20.21.16.1.4 as he is officially named, is a new model of clones. The actual Pence is a socialist liberal living in San Francisco California! He’s doing quite well as we got him too hooked to LSD to realize the vice president is his clone. He is also the reason we can’t talk about 19.20.21.16.1.4, or else his face will become too recognizable and people would begin to realize the Vice  President’s exact body is living in San Francisco,” first lady Melon Trumpet said.

To maintain public attention, Pence is regularly ordered to lock himself in a closet until told otherwise. However, as the election date creeps nearer, the Trumpet administration has been forced to let Pence out of the closet. 

Fly spies production factory|Photo courtesy of Global Aquaculture Alliance

In the recent Vice-Presidential debate, the Trumpet administration has been controlling their Vice-President via the Fly Spy. 

However, not as expected, the fly gathered more attention than the very clone it was being used to control. The administration failed to account for the fact that Pence’s presence is completely unnoticeable, as he has been continuously ordered to lurk in the shadows, not the spotlight. The fly on his head gained headlines, while he was just the butt of another joke. 

About Roaa Alkhawaja

Roaa Alkhawaja
Junior and Opinions/Sunburn Editor, Ro'aa Alkhawaja, loves herself a good week of binge-watching It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and eating more Nutella sandwiches than should be humanly possible.

Check Also

The SUN Staff’s Picks: Favorite Conspiracies

Sarah: Tupac is still alive  It’s a scientific fact that if you share a birthday …

3 comments

  1. Avatar

    No way, I knew the flies were up to something!! They have been all around my kitchen spying on me to report back to the government. I can’t believe I missed this! Thank you Ro’aa Alwajournalist for keeping me safe and informed!!!

  2. Avatar
    Prisha Puntambekar

    *looks around* *nervously plants venus fly traps*

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *