Ted Cruz: presidential candidate or prolific killer?

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In Alberta, Canada, a son was born to Eleanor and Rafael Cruz. 45 years later, this son would become known as Ted Cruz, a modern day American Republican presidential candidate.

During Cruz’s race to run the USA, a rumor began circulating social media speculating an alternate backstory for the Texan senator: that he was the elusive Zodiac Killer.

The scene is California, in the late sixties and early seventies. A man known only by the appellation of “the Zodiac” committed a confirmed five murders, claiming to be responsible for a chilling total of 37 homicides.

This rumor’s origins may be shadowy and unknown, but this we know to be fact: Cruz has never denied being the infamous serial killer. If 38% of Floridian voters were unsure as whether or not you were capable of mass murder, wouldn’t you want to officially and publicly clear your name? Not Cruz. He has shown no sign of a need to denounce his murderous past.  

You may wonder, “How could dear Ted commit those murders when he was barely an infant?” Remember: Cruz was born in Canada, a country renowned for being lawless and fraught with crime. His supposed birth year of 1970 is likely fraudulent, and a quick round of Botox would easily erase the extraneous years from his lined face. Paperwork and a few injections is small potatoes compared with what the Zodiac Killer is capable of.

Essentially nothing is known of the man behind the Zodiac killings, leading Americans to the conclusion that the unnerving and widely disliked Cuban, with his pained smile and fondness for the death penalty, could easily be the mysterious killer.

There is no doubt in many a sensible mind that Cruz carries the responsibility for these reprehensible crimes. Can we as a country continue to ignore the truth? Is it responsible of us to remain blind to the obvious? This is a man that has killed others in the past with only a gun and psychopathic tendencies; imagine what horrific acts he could achieve at the helm of our great nation. Examine your conscience, and consider this, fellow Americans: would you let a cold-blooded killer run your country?

Written by Amanda Leslie

Amanda is a senior and the opinions editor for the MCSun. (Obviously the best section.) Her hobbies are sleeping and listening to music. She likes to pretend that she could be an FBI agent when she grows up.

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