Once upon a time, in an era of plaid skirts, scrunchies, and chokers, there was once a mortal who had her eyes set on fame.
This mortal’s name was Mariah Carey, a lovely, vibrant, and driven young lady she was, singing beautiful songs for all to hear.
But dear Carey became vain. She was obsessed with the spotlight too much, that it became her mission to get everyone’s attention. With or without her voice.
Legend has it that she signed a contract with the goddess of fame and popularity, Gawdie, that allowed her to become immortal while the lights, camera, and press followed her wherever she pleased.
The catch to the contract was that flamboyant Carey had to have a source of power, something that would undoubtedly give her fame and strengthen her entire being.
Carey then came up with a clever plan. She would take advantage of the holidays, of Christmas specifically, and create an album that was so creative, so original, and so glam just like her, that whoever heard even one note of her songs, would be unconsciously influenced to listen to the entire album.
This act would forever boost conceited Carey’s fame and money by getting her album in the top 100 songs in the charts forever.
So be warned festive listener, the more you listen to Carey’s songs, the stronger she becomes. Because all she wants for Christmas is you…