Colin O'Malley
In this positively shocking turn of events, Young Doterra, an essential oil company that’s been embracing wellness since 1993, has just declared that they’ve officially ended world hunger, catalyzed world peace, and prevented all known diseases from being contracted.
The declaration came from Young Doterra CEO Martha Old after their newest essential oil hit the market, PlacEbo.
“PlacEbo is everything we wanted her failed sister Thieves to be,” Old said.
Thieves, of course being the companies now outdated miracle oil that is found in everything from lozenges to toothpaste comparing nothing to the completely different PlacEbo.
“PlacEbo is a healthy mix of all of those oils you know and love,” Old said, “it’s got Rosemary, Lavender, Cotten, Fennel, Panaway, Rose, Lemon, Detergent, and of course Thieves.”
PlacEbo sells on Young Doterra’s website for $175, otherwise known as a cheap price to pay for peace.
“PlacEbo does everything I want and more! When ingested I’m not hungry, when inhaled I’m sleepy, and when I rub it on my body I’m numb, and all the pain goes away!”, local PTA mom Cheryl Whittely said.
Young Doterra has always prided itself on having only the finest and purest ingredients extracted straight from the source, but with PlacEbo they’ve really taken it to the next level.
“PlacEbo is so concentrated that without proper eye protection your retinas burn!”, Old said, “Now that’s what I call pure!”
The future of the company has been solely placed in this one oil with it being infused into many new products.
“We plan on utilizing it in our toothpaste, lozenges, and ointments,” lead product designer and designated genius Richard B.S declared, “ As humanitarians, it is our duty to give only the finest of quality.”
The company is not new to saving the world with their oils. Our reporters even found that Young Doterra struck a deal with Flint Michigan to give each and every resident a collection of essential oils to make up for their contaminated water supply. Now that’s philanthropy!
Some devoted oil enthusiasts couldn’t stay away from PlacEbo no matter how hard they tried.
“The products were just so good. I- I couldn’t stop myself. The toothpaste and lozenges just were so rejuvenating. When I had my evening tea mixed with PlacEbo oil I felt unstoppable,” Yoga teacher Iggy Norant said.
For all of humanity, Young Doterra has done a true service today with the creation of PlacEbo. It is an investment in the future and a bold move from the company. With this, doctors are obsolete, countries will be at peace, productivity will soar, and insomniacs can finally get some sleep.
This was so funny I actually LedOL haha