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Panhandling Pancakes

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Most highschoolers only want one thing in life: Cakey, gooey stacks of pancakes with syrup oozing down the sides. But there is a dilemma. Money. The wallet-ravaging epidemic known to most high-schoolers as “being broke,” has finally met its match. IHOP’s unlimited pancakes.

There are several methods of achieving this feat, yet many MC students have been taking extreme measures in order to reap the benefits of this deal. The unlimited pancake menu option offered by IHOP has caused our peers to engage in syrup-crazed shenanigans.  

Junior Pam Cake, an avid pancake eater, went as far as pretending to be a young couples’ child in order to take advantage of their free pancakes. Sources say she told the couple she had a serious disease that could be cured by the fluffy texture only a pancake could provide.

Another method of getting free pancakes was explored by freshman Sir Rupp, who impersonated an IHOP waiter and delivered the food from the griddle to his mouth. The authorities found evidence of a blueberry syrup crusted timecard with Sir Rupp scribbled in red crayon.

The final way to receive the benefits of free pancakes is to claim it’s your birthday. Senior Will U. Passthesyrup has traveled to 366 different IHOP locations, granting him free pancakes every day of the year (including leap day) at each IHOP, claiming it was his special day, Will received his pancakes with a song while his unsuspecting waiters drizzled syrup in front of him.

The extreme measures being taken to acquire pancakes have become ridicuous. Call 1-800-STOPWITHTHEPANCAKES to report Pancake panhandling.

About Jordan Tolbert


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