On Sunday, the NFL released an official statement addressing the rumors that the San Diego Chargers were leaving San Diego.
“Despite what fans and spectators say,” Chargers head coach Mike McCoyfish said in a recent interview, “The Chargers will be moving for the next season, but it will not be to any of the places that have been previously suggested by anyone. In fact, no one has even addressed the idea.”
At this, many people who witnessed his TV interview gasped in wonder. They had no idea where their beloved sports team would go.
“We thought we were going to LA too,” Chargers quarterback Philip Oceans said. “But we thought very wrong.”
If the fact that the Chargers were not going to LA surprised people, the news of where they would really play shocked them drastically.
“We decided, the NFL leaders and me,” McCoyfish said, “that the Chargers would thrive in a very different atmosphere. It has been a battle, but as of now it is arranged that the Chargers will be moving to Mars.”
Though this may sound startling at first, the players and coaches have agreed that there are many benefits to moving to Mars. After careful consideration, all the team is on board both metaphorically and soon to be literally.
“Well first of all, NASA was searching for a highly qualified group of people to join them on their newest project, a mission to create and sustain life on Mars,” McCoyfish said. “We also weighed the benefits for the team and decided that, though we may not be the best football team here on earth, we would definitely be the best in space.”
It took time for both players and fans to get used to the idea that they would be moving so far away from home.
“At first we thought they were crazy for even suggesting it,” Oceans said. “But after they showed us all of the research on the positive outcomes, we were sold.”
The team and staff will have to adjust to this change of plan and planet, but overall they are excited to get there.
“We decide that the league up there would be called the ISFL,” McCoyfish said. “It stands for the In Space Football League.”
Now all they have left to do is get ready to board the spaceship and change their lives.
“We are getting our houses and families all packed up,” Oceans said. “None of us can wait until we are playing football in zero gravity. What will the Raiders think of us then?”