Registering Sundevils this summer were astounded upon discovering that an integral and known part of the process went missing: getting lockers. The much adored station had been replaced with a new, more efficient manner.
At the start of the year, Sundevils of all grades were weighed down by their excess belongings for several days until, finally, the hotly anticipated new process began — waiting in an excessively long line in order to be assigned a locker in the front of the school where, conveniently, none of your classes are, effectively forcing you to practice your Olympic power walk with every visit. The benefits only snowball from here.
The best part is that lockers are being assigned head to toe! What better way to get to know your fellow Sundevils than to be forced to stick your butt in their faces as you stretch for your top locker while they crouch into their lockers directly below you? Or secretly dreaming about screaming at the crowd of freshmen blocking your locker every single day? That’s what I call a good time.
Administrators are baffled by the backlash that this new approach has gotten.
“I just don’t understand,” an anonymous admin said. “I thought students would be delighted to get to know each other in a more unconventional way. Long lines and locker limbo – that’s our new slogan!”
Alas, the times are changing here at MC, and as Disney Channel star Ashley Tisdale once sang while playing Sharpay Evans in the iconic film High School Musical 2, “It’s out with the old and in with the new.” Our days of convenient stops and comfortable personal bubbles are long gone, but I take comfort in knowing this: kind-hearted security guards on golf carts can give rides to conveniently located passerby.