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Cruel Deities Make Bathroom Sink Unusable

Woe unto the male personnel desiring clean hands, for the Gods of the Sink are as cruel as they are capricious. No good hygiene goes unpunished.

Those luckless men making the pilgrimage to answer nature’s call can expect to flail about in search of just the right movement to appease the cruel thing. Witnesses have reported the hokey pokey, the macarena, and even jazz hands, trying to elicit even a modicum of sweet water.

Custodian Henry Fitzempress expressed his frustration at the malfunctioning sink.

“I just wanted to cleanse my hands after using the restroom, but the sink won’t let me. I’ve been here for weeks. That infernal contraption has become my religion and obsession, my god and my devil.”

In a cruel twist of fate, the sink was reported to spray torrentially whenever Tallace’s back was turned.

Another seasoned veteran of the bathroom, Louis D’anjou has decided to completely stop washing his hands altogether.

“In France, it is normal to not flush, not wash hands, not take showers, and just be unhygienic in general.”

Though we do not know the cause of the malfunction, theories as to the cause of this malfunction range from mischievous elves, to black magic. Investigators have ruled out mechanical failure.

The administration requests that everybody pray the sink will fix itself.

About Luke Roethler

Luke Roethler
Sophomore Luke Roethler is a staff writer and Barefoot Contessa enthusiast at the MC Sun. It takes little more than a pack of gum to win his heart.

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