Dominique Barrett
It was a calm Tuesday morning, eh. Local San Diegan Lorize Heymans was awoken by the sound of a quiet knock at the door.
“I had broken this law called Bill 82-13b.” senior Lorize Heymans said.
Lorena Heymans was a refugee of the horrible country of Canada where their money is plastic and people say sorry. Many escape and fewer are caught.
Despite her nice and friendly appearance, she is known to be extremely dangerous and hostile. The fact that she is also a hardcore maple-syrup addict only makes her behavior more radical and unpredictable.
Although Heymans has eluded Canadian officials for many years, the mounties finally were able to apprehend the immigrant.
“It was all aboot patience, eh,” Mountie Captain Buddy Phillips said. “We’ve been tracking her for the past few months, eh, and it just came to waiting for the perfect opportunity where we knew, she would not be able to escape, like previous attempts, eh.”
A trap was set at a local ice-hockey game, the mounties having predicted Heymans would be unable to avoid her Canadian instincts, and would be forced to show up. There it was arranged that she would receive a bad batch of maple-syrup, also known as American maple syrup.
Upon being questioned by the media on her experiences on the run, and her final capture, Heymans answered viciously.
“Screw the mounties and the Canadian Government, eh,” Heymans said before apologizing immediately after for any inconveniences she may have caused, and her semi-foul use of language.
For MC students who believed their peer was just an ordinary person, the shock of it all was unbelievable.
“She was in my English class,” senior Thai Tran said. “I don’t think anyone would have ever pictured her for the war-criminal she apparently was.”
For Heymans, the jig is up, and she will be sent to Canada where she will face a difficult prison sentence: only a pint of maple syrup per week, and imprisonment in one of the toughest Canadian prisons, Saskatchewan Minimum Security Correctional Facility and Daycare Center, for a term of three years.
