The Sunburn

Tis’ the season of Christmas miracles! During the most wonderful time of the year, seasonal phenomena occur that restore an individual’s faith in the future of humanity. On Tuesday the 16th, an event took place that embodied the very essence of this magical time of year. Mary Bella, a freshman …

Commonly called “The Squatch” by his comrades in the North American wilderness, this “mythical” beast began as a normal man who made No-shave November a year-round ordeal. He decided to spread his ideas into southern California upon his return home. Recently, the trend has affected the entire MC student body. …

December 25th is the reminder for families worldwide to let their guards down and chow down with distant cousins in the spirit of Old St. Nick. Now, some people might believe that each family is different and special, but in reality, every family has the same crazy relatives that make …

10 . Ride on the golf carts. Zoom through campus on the golf carts with the security guards. It’s much more exhilarating to ride with them than to get run over as you’re rushing to class. So ask nicely and they just might let you hop on.   9 . …

*The following story is in no way truthful, all articles posted under the Sunburn are merely parodical or satirical “Our thoughts go out to the Chavez family, and we hope them the best while they weather this challenging obstacle in their lives,” PUSD superintendent Jane P. Collins said. On Monday, …

Word on the street is that there are some freaky things going on in the K-building’s girls bathroom. Sophomore Shelby Davidson disclosed the horror she experienced about a week ago due to the obvious possession of the K building girls restroom by an unwelcome ghoul. “Recently, I was taking a …

On the first day of every high school student’s senior year, a strange disease begins to manifest itself. This potent virus lays dormant from the start of an individuals freshman year; it is unavoidable and its symptoms vary in their severity and apparentness. Commonly known as Senioritis, this epidemic has …

Check out the MC Sunburn’s new Pepsi challenge! Disclosure: this is a parody and only for entertainment. MC does not condone buying or drinking of soda, nor does the school support “Kids Having Kids.” The Penasquitos Food Stamp Association does not exist either. Enjoy!

There is a spy among us. He walks with us, he talks with us, he teaches us, and yet we have never realized who this person really is. Timothy Calver, which in fact is just an alias, goes by his code name “Bald Eagle” on the job. Calver was recruited …

A raging epidemic has taken root at MC. It has been discovered that the disease correlates to a lack of hugs. According to Dr. Harry Harris MD, the average teenager should receive a minimum of 17 hugs a day. A poll at MC showed that only 18 percent of students …